2024 NFL Thrills and Chills, Part II

By Charlie Livingston

Here’s a brief summary of the highlights and lowlights of Strat-O-Matic’s new football ratings:

BALTIMORE

Offense:

Oh Yeah!        How are you supposed to stop this? 2X MVP QB Jackson will absolutely gash you on the ground (20 SG+ chances) and through the air (14/18 SP, 12 LP Wrong, Min INT on #12), but the true KING of this offense is HB Henry (26 chances of 20+, LG #12 SG #10 Right, Min fumbles). Lamar is heavily protected (5,5,7,5,7). Pass catchers WR Flowers and WR Bateman are solid if unspectacular. TE Andrews catches DT’s

Oh No!            Absolutely nothing to say here…

Defense:

Oh Yeah!       Grab your magnifying glass; yards on these EXCELLENT rush D cards are microscopic. A swarm of 6s (LE, LILB, ROLB, SS, FS)

 Oh No!          But no fumbles! POOR pass D has catches throughout, Stephens RC 0

Special Teams:

Oh Yeah!        P Stout solid, good PR coverage

Oh No!           Tucker a shell of his former self (2-7, 12 from 23 to 32). Middling return game

BUFFALO

Offense:

Oh Yeah!        Josh Allen had a fairytale year – married his sweetheart Hailee Steinfeld, snagged the MVP, and most importantly… produced a heck of a Strat card (13 SG+ chances ER, great MR, 13 LP wrong). Solid supporting cast; RB Cook (38 SG+ chances), WR Shakir (YAC A), Rookie WR Coleman can fly (26 LG chances, YAC B). Elite pass block (7,4,7,7,7)

Oh No!         Not going to get much from these TE’s, RG 0 run block 

Defense:

Oh Yeah!        GOOD to EXCELLENT run D forces serious fumbles (2-10 on 1-man OT), Rousseau LE 5 with a 10-pass rush, Benford LC 6            

Oh No!           Go Flat and Look-in at will; all 3 LBs a 0 against the pass. SP not much better (LG #11, few blanks)

Special Teams:

Oh Yeah!        K Bass 2-8 from 61

Oh No!      Blocked punt, LG on #12 KO coverage, missed XP #11, #12

CINCINNATI

Offense:

Oh Yeah!       Call Pass! QB Joe Burrow is dominant. This Peyton-esque card will shred opposing defenses (max FP wrong, 19/27 SP, 16 LP wrong). WRs Chase (max WR, DT’s) and Higgins (max FP/SP)

Oh No!            I guess blocking was a suggestion… 4 run block 0s and 2 pass block 2s. Rec QB fumbles 1-3. Poor running game

Defense:

Oh Yeah!      RE 5 Hendrickson a (7*) 12,

Oh No!          4 starting 0s, painfully average D cards

Special Teams:

Oh Yeah!        P Reckhow boots it (+50 on #8), KO Return TD #2, KO coverage (+10, +11, +16)

Oh No!            PK McPherson struggles (2-7 from 23 to 32)

CLEVELAND

Offense:

Oh Yeah!       No stability, no rhythm, last in the North, but here are the highlights; WR breakout Jeudy (max SP) and TE Njoku (max FP) offer some support in the pass game, 3DRB Ford a valuable asset (31 SG+ on OT/ER wrong, YAC A)

Oh No!            Poor blocking all around; Ifedi 2 Pass 0 Run, QBs have a completion problem, HB Chubb’s run of dominance at an end, Rec QB fumble 1-3

Defense:

Oh Yeah!        Garrett LE 6 (4*) 12, Ward LC 6

Oh No!           Incredibly POOR D has no blanks on SP 3-men, Emerson RC 0

Special Teams:

Oh Yeah!        P Bojorquez (+50 on 8)

Oh No!            LGs on KO and P coverage, PK Hopkins struggles mightily (miss XP on #10, #11, 2-7,12 from 23 to 32)

DENVER

Offense:

Oh Yeah!        Veteran coach Payton set his team up for success; starting with the pass blocking (5,7,7,5,7), Rec QB fumble 0, Rookie QB Bo Nix will beat you wrong (max FP, 19 SP, 13 LP, 11 SG+ ER wrong), WRs Sutton (max SP/LP) and Mims Jr. (YAC A) do their part. HB McLaughlin SGs wrong

Oh No!       RBs will not get the tough yards, and fumble (2-5,12 right), better pass catchers then actual runners

Defense:        

Oh Yeah!        Exciting GOOD to EXCELLENT 3-4 D can get to the QB; (1*) 12 and (5*) 12 at OLB, an 8 and a 7 on the ends. All while limiting yards in both the run and pass. Allen LE 6, Jones SS 65

Oh No!           But what’s with those ratings! 5 starting 0s capped off with Locke an FS 00.

Special Teams:

Oh Yeah!       PK Lutz is a star (perfect XP, 2-10 23 to 32), PR Mims (+61 on #2, +26 on #5), no mistakes on this ST

Oh No!            average KOR’s

HOUSTON

Offense:

Oh Yeah!        WR Nico Collins an absolute force when healthy (max SP/LP, DTs), veteran HB Mixon (5 chances 20+ on OT), WR Diggs (max FP/SP). LT Tunsil the only OL who showed up for work (7 pass block 5 run)

Oh No!            QB Stroud’s sophomore slump (12/17 SP, 4/10 LP) is further marred by a pathetic Oline (RG 2 pass 0 run, LG a 0/0)

Defense:

Oh Yeah!        QBs beware; LE Anderson Jr. (1*) 12 and RE Hunter (2*) 12 are coming…. Shutdown LC Stingley Jr. a 6

now.

Oh No!            Pound the interior; LT/RT both 0s

Special Teams:

Oh Yeah!        KOR #1 Pierce explosive, stingy PR yardage (+4, +5, +3), Fairbairn drills it from deep (2-8,11,12 from 59)

Oh No!            Blocked punt, XP miss on #11

INDIANAPOLIS

Offense:

Oh Yeah!        Just keep pounding him; HB Taylor with an elite card (50 SG+ chances), helped out by two stalwarts on the left side (LG 76, LT 76). WR Alec Pierce can break the game (6 LG FP wrong, 9 LG SP wrong)

Oh No!            QB Richardson more likely to complete a pass to the other team, RG Tucker 2 pass 0 run

Defense:

Oh Yeah!        Solid play up front; LE Paye a 5 with a 10 rush, Buckner LT 5 w/ an 8 rush, Stewart RT 6

Oh No!            POOR D is littered with yardage, MLB, RLBs 0s against the pass

Special Teams:

Oh Yeah!        P Sanchez (+50 on #8), K Gay perfect XP and 2-10 through 23 to 32

Oh No!            Terrible return coverage; K is 2-5,11,12 from deep

JACKSONVILLE

Offense:

Oh Yeah!    In the midst of the rubble that was the Jaguars season, a diamond emerged; WR Brian Thomas Jr. (max SP/LP, LGs, DTs), a true star in the making. HB Bigsby effective (39 SG+ chances), TE Engram (max FP)

Oh No!        Will former #1pick Lawrence ever put it all together? RT/RG run block 0s

Defense:

Oh Yeah!        Solid pressure up front with the tandem of LE Hines-Allen (5 w/ 9 rush) and RE Walker (5 w/ 11 rush)

Oh No!            POOR run D cannot force fumbles, riddled with yardage. Pass D is even worse! No blanks on SP 3-men, LP is a mess. Cisco SS 04

Special Teams:

Oh Yeah!       One of the better STs in the set; PR Washington with a TD on #4, P Cooke (+50 on #8), PK Little is elite (perfect XP, 2-10 through 23 to 32, 2-9 from 59)

Oh No!            Can’t knock anything here, they’re great

KANSAS CITY

Offense:

Oh Yeah!       QB Patrick Mahomes is human but effective (13/20 SP, potent MR). Big boys up front (RG 6, C 6. LG 6) help guide an uninspiring hodgepodge of RBs. While he’s lost a step, TE Kelce Shakes it Off and produces a reliable card (max FP, DTs)

Oh No!           This offense is about as mediocre as they come. LT Morris 2 pass block w/ 0 run block

Defense:

Oh Yeah!        GOOD run D limits yards, Jones RT 6, McDuffie LC 6, Consistent pass rush (10,8,7,5)

Oh No!            Definite trouble through the air; SP/LP very weak (LG #11 SP, +31 #5 LP)

Special Teams:

Oh Yeah!        PK Butker (2-10 from 23 to 32 yards), P Araiza (+50 on #7)

Oh No!            Punt coverage (+12, +11, +3)

LAS VEGAS

Offense:

Oh Yeah!       Rookie phenom TE Brock Bowers (max FP/SP, DTs, YAC B) will be a force to watch for years to come. WR Meyers (max FP)

Oh No!        Not much love for the rest of the crew; QB Minshew’s absurdly high INTs, the entire running game that refuses to gain yards, and a Rec QB fumble 1-3

Defense:

Oh Yeah!    LE Maxx Crosby a 6 w/ a 9 pass rush

Oh No!        No forced fumbles on this AVERAGE run D, 6 starting 0s (RT, LLB, RLB, SS, RC, FS)

Special Teams:

Oh Yeah!        KO coverage (+10, +11, +12),

Oh No!            Blocked punt, missed XP #11, #12

LOS ANGELES -AFC

Offense:

Oh Yeah!    QB Justin Herbert is back to form (15/20 SP, 9 MR w/ substantial yardage, Min INT on #12). He’s helped by a resurgent HB Dobbins (38 SG+ chances) and rookie breakout WR McConkey (max SP). Slater LT 76

Oh No!      TEs a no show, C a 0 pass block, LG a 2 pass block  

Defense:

Oh Yeah!     LOLB Khalil Mack is still a force (66 w/ 9 pass rush), Ford RE 6, ROLB Tuipulotu a (1*) 12          

Oh No!        AVERAGE D is fairly pedestrian across all levels. Low fumbles (2-3 LB 2-men), Gilman FS 04

Special Teams:

Oh Yeah!        Steady legged PK Dicker (2-10 from 23 to 32, 2-9 from 59) ….

Oh No!            But misses XPs on #11, #12. ST is otherwise reliable in all areas

MIAMI

Offense:

Oh Yeah!        Oft injured QB Tua is effective when conscious (elite FP, 13/20 SP). WR Tyreek Hill (max SP), TE Jonnu Smith (max FP, YAC B), HB Achane better receiver then runner (max FP, YAC A), LT Armstead 76

Oh No!            WR Jaylen Waddle in desperate need of a bounce back (YAC D, no max columns). Both Guards are 0s against the run.

Defense:

Oh Yeah!         AVERAGE to GOOD rush D yields modest yardage. Campbell LE 6, Sieler RT 6 w/ 10 pass rush

Oh No!            SP 3-men is rough (#11 LG, only blank on #5), low fumbles

Special Teams:

Oh Yeah!      PK Sanders (2-8,11,12 from 57), KO coverage (+15, +12, +22)

Oh No!          Blocked punt, missed XP on #11, #12

NEW ENGLAND

Offense:

Oh Yeah!        Not much to love here; Rookie QB Maye (max FP wrong, healthy MRs) didn’t have much to work with. HB Rhamondre with SGs across on #9, YAC B

Oh No!            No pass catchers to speak of, HBs can’t protect the rock (2-7 right), Pitiful run blocking (0,4,0,0,0)

Defense:

Oh Yeah!        LP 1-man limits completions

Oh No!           No fumbles on this POOR run D, SP is a mess, no safety net; both SS and FS are 04s

Special Teams:

Oh Yeah!        P Baringer (+50 on 8), Lone PR Jones (+62 on #2, +26 on #6, +16 on #9), PK Slye (2-7,11,12 from 63)

Oh No!           Poor Punt coverage (+20, +18, LG)

NEW YORK JETS

Offense:

Oh Yeah!      The bands back together; QB Rodgers (13/25 SP) to WR Adams (max WR), a surprisingly lethal combination. WR Garrett Wilson (max FP, SP, YAC B), RB Hall (YAC A, catches LP) contribute

Oh No!         TEs are non-existent, RBs have great difficulty running right  

Defense:

Oh Yeah!        AVERAGE to GOOD run D forces fumbles (2-7 OT 1-man), Williams RT 6, solid pass rush across the line – (1*) 12, 6, 8, 6

Oh No!            Yards to be had through the air, LE McDonald and LT Kinlaw both 0s

Special Teams:

Oh Yeah!        KOR Nwangwu TD on #11

Oh No!            PK Zeurlein struggles mightily (2-6,11,12 from 23 to 32, missed XP on #11, #12)

PITTSBURGH

Offense:

Oh Yeah!        QBs Russ Wilson (11 LP wrong, low INTs) and Justin Fields (10 SG ER, 18 MR SP/LP) both have their purpose. They’re aided by workhorse HB Najee Harris (41 SG+ chances) and eccentric WR Pickens (max LG)

Oh No!            Not many explosive plays; weak Oline (3,3,4,4,5), Rec QB fumble 1-3

Defense:

Oh Yeah!    EXCELLENT run D w/ clean fumbles on LB and OT 2-men, limits yards. SP is great as well (only completion on #5 4-men) LOLB Watt (4*) 12, Fitzpatrick FS 65, Heyward RE 6 w/ an 8-pass rush

Oh No!        Jackson LC 0   

Special Teams:

Oh Yeah!        PK Boswell (2-9,12 from 57, perfect XP), PR Austin with a TD on #2

Oh No!            Poor KR yardage, otherwise a consistent ST

TENNESSEE

Offense:

Oh Yeah!    Hard to find much good here, but here goes; WR Ridley (max LP, LGs), Pollard (35 SG+ chances), and we’re done.

Oh No!           Extremely poor QB play between Rudolph and Levis (INTs everywhere), leagues worst run block (0,0,0,0,4), Rec QB fumble 1-4,  

Defense:

Oh Yeah!        All 5s up front (LE, NT, RT), LOLB Landry a monster (7*) 12, ROLB Key (1*) 12, AVERAGE pass D has surprisingly elite LP cards w/ many incompletions

Oh No!            POOR run D is a liability; no fumbles, yards a plenty, Brownlee Jr. RC 0

Special Teams

Oh Yeah!        K Folk is a gem (2-10 23 to 32, 2-9,12 from 56, perfect XP)

Oh No!       Blocked punt, horrible PR coverage (+17, +21, LG)