2025 NFL Thrills and Chills, Part 2
By Charlie Livingston
Here’s a brief summary of the highlights and lowlights of Strat-O-Matic’s new football ratings:
BALTIMORE
Offense:
Oh Yeah! A season marred by injuries, but the King hasn’t lost his crown: HB Henry dominant (21 chances of 20+ yards), Backup HB Mitchell’s 40 SG chances help ease the load, FL Flowers career best (Max FP/SP, YAC B)
Oh No! But with oft injured QB Lamar Jackson at the helm (15 SP Wrong, pedestrian running by his standards), no help from the TEs, and a terrible supporting cast of WRs, who will let HB Henry reign supreme?
Defense:
Oh Yeah! Ball hawk Kyle Hamilton soars the field (LOLB 55, S 66, CB 5), Good Run D limits yards and forces fumbles, LILB Smith a 66
Oh No! Nonexistent pass rush with a high of 7, NT Jenkins a 0
Special Teams:
Oh Yeah! Powerful P Stout (+50 on #8), solid Punt coverage (+2,+5,+4)
Oh No! Weak return game, PK Loop lacks a leg (2-4 11,12 from 37)
BUFFALO
Offense:
Oh Yeah! Despite his team’s familiar playoff shortcomings, QB Allen turns in yet another spectacular effort (Max FP Wrong, Historic LB which includes 2-12 + yardage on Right/Wrong, +1 on keyed 2-6, rousing MR/ER), HB Cook a monster card (51 SG+ chances, gets the tough yards) FL Shakir (YAC A),
Oh No! HB Cook has trouble holding onto the ball (2-5 11,12 fumble right) RG Torrence (00)
Defense:
Oh Yeah! Good Pass D limits completions, LE Rousseau a 6 with a 9-pass rush
Oh No! Porous run D gives up chunk yards (whopping 33 SG chances), LT 0 Walker and RE 0 Bosa offer no resistance
Special Teams:
Oh Yeah! KR #1 Davis PR TD, PK Prater reliable from short distances (XP 2-12, 2-10 up to 32)
Oh No! But don’t ask him to kick from deep (2-4 from 37)
CINCINNATI
Offense:
Oh Yeah! When on the field, QB Burrow can sling it (17/28 SP, great at all depths), FL Chase (Max FP/SP with DTs) SE Higgins (Max SP/LP), superb pass blocking (5,7,7,5,5)
Oh No! Dull HB Brown (22 SG + chances) may not be enough to keep Ds honest, Poor TE play
Defense:
Oh Yeah! Pass rush of 7,5,6,7 on the line will get the ball out of the QBs hands
Oh No! But straight into this Swiss cheese D that gets diced at all levels (Poor/Very Poor, yards galore), 6 starting 0s, LG on #4 SP 3-men
Special Teams:
Oh Yeah! P Rehkow with the boot (+61 on #5), K McPherson (2-7,12 from 46), KR #1 Jones TD
Oh No! Nothing major to knock here, solid all around
CLEVELAND
Offense:
Oh Yeah! Myles Garrett and Co will have to generate some scoring opportunities, cuz this offense sure won’t, Rookie breakout TE/BB Fannin Jr. (19 SP right), SE/FL Bond LGs, RBs min fumbles
Oh No! Revolving door of average to downright bad QBs headlined by Rookie QB Sanders who has an equal shot of completing a pass to the other team, run game that refuses to pick up yards, LT Robinson (00)
Defense:
Oh Yeah! Average to Good D is solid and will devour opposing QBs; led by the best in the league RE Garrett (12*12 RE 6), LE Wright and LT Collins (7 and 8 pass rush)
Oh No! Low takeaways, Diabate (RLB 04)
Special Teams:
Oh Yeah! PK Szmyt (2-9 from 38)
Oh No! Blocked punt, LG on both KO and PR coverage, poor returns
DENVER
Offense:
Oh Yeah! Not much firepower here, but they get the job done: HB Dobbins (47 SG +) and rookie HB Harvey (Catches LP, YAC A) boast near min fumbles (2,12 right), SE Sutton (Max SP), and a bulldozing Oline (5,7,7,5,7 pass block)
Oh No! Middling QB Bo Nix (12/17 SP, 4/11 LP) was an ankle short of game managing his team to the promise land, weak WR/TEs, team will rely on D and limiting mistakes to replicate their success
Defense:
Oh Yeah! This ferocious pass rush and stingy Run D (low yardage, LILB Greenlaw and RILB Singleton 6s against the run) will stifle opposing offenses; no 0 rated starters, a 7 and an 8 rushing the edges, headlined by ROLB Bonito (5*12) and LOLB Cooper (10)
Oh No! But where are all the takeaways! Low Fumble and interception chances (2 fumble on 0 men, 2-3 pick on 3 men SP), LP 0 men is a problem (lone blank on #4 roll)
Special Teams:
Oh Yeah! PK Lutz (perfect XP, 2-7,12 from 40), PR Mims Jr. (TD, +24 on #5)
Oh No! Poor punt coverage (+17,+12,+8)
HOUSTON
Offense:
Oh Yeah! Sure 4 INT’s and a humiliating loss in the playoffs was a rough way to go out, but QB Stoud (Max FP wrong, 14 LP wrong) can still operate a functioning offense, SE Nico Collins is a force (Max SP/LP, LGs, DTs), TE Schultz reliable (Max FP, YAC B)
Oh No! Aging HB Chubb and newcomer HB Marks offer nothing on the ground, run block 0s at both LG and LT don’t help the cause
Defense:
Oh Yeah! This Excellent 4-3 D will dominate: led by a slew of 6s, they boast huge takeaways (fumble 2-6,11,12 OT 1-man, Int 2-6,11,12 SP 4-man), will limit rush yards, LE Will Anderson (1*12) and RE Hunter (5*12) will shred opposing O-lines
Oh No! Must keep a man in LP or hope for a sack (lone blank on #12 roll LP 0-man)
Special Teams:
Oh Yeah! PK Fairbairn is as good as they come (Perfect XP, 2-10 through 32, 2-8 from 40)
Oh No! LGs on both KO and PR coverage
INDIANAPOLIS
Offense:
Oh Yeah! This well-balanced offense is firing on all cylinders, and it’s led by Daniel Jones! The QB anchors this attack with 3 stellar wrong columns (max FP, 21 SP, and 12 LP chances), and you’ll see a ton of wrong as long as workhorse HB Taylor is in the backfield (12 chances of 20+, rushes of +46,+68,+80,+83, YAC A), SE Alec Pierce will break scoreboards (43 LG chances, Max LP) TE/SE Warren (Max FP)
Oh No! WR/QB fumble 1-3
Defense:
Oh Yeah! Good to Excellent run D limits yards, ROLB Latu (1*12)
Oh No! Low fumbles, 4 starting 0s
Special Teams:
Oh Yeah! PK Grupe (2-10 through 32, 2-8,12 from 43), Excellent PR coverage (+1,+2,+3)
Oh No! Missed XP on #11
JACKSONVILLE
Offense:
Oh Yeah! From 4-13 to 13-4; Rookie HC Liam Coen had his team prepared, he was even able to resuscitate the careers of former 1st RD picks QB Trevor Lawrence (13/18 SP, solid running) and HB Etienne (9 chances of 20+ yards, effective receiver)
Oh No! And all of this was done without a standout receiving option, 2nd overall pick SE/FL/CB Travis Hunter does it all….but nothing well, Sophomore SE BTJ disappoints
Defense:
Oh Yeah! Solid if unremarkable pass funnel D (Excellent vs run, Average to Poor vs Pass) MLB Lloyd (66)
Oh No! Moderate pass rush (4,2,6,9 on the line), Porous SP/LP
Special Teams:
Oh Yeah! Elite ST, led by the obscene leg of PK Cam Little, who can easily drill FGs before crossing midfield (2-8,11,12 from 51!), lone PR Wahington with a TD on #3, solid Punting by Cooke
Oh No! Can’t nitpick here, they’re the best unit in the AFC
KANSAS CITY
Offense:
Oh Yeah! Today was NOT a Fairytale for KC, but Long Live TE Travis Kelce (Max FP, DT’s) who was able to Shake it Off and prolong his HOF career, FL Rice (max FP, YAC A) effective when not injured or jailed, SE/FL Thornton (LG’s), C Humphrey (76)
Oh No! HBs Hunt and Pacheco offer absolutely nothing on the ground, just mere bodies meant to fall forward for the occasional +2, doesn’t help that LT Simmons (0) and RT Taylor (0) didn’t show up for work this year, QB Mahomes just isn’t what he used to be (11/17 SP, 5/11 LP, no ER)
Defense:
Oh Yeah! LT Jones (6 with an 8-pass rush), RC 6 McDuffie, and FS 65 Cooke, round out this starting 11 which features a wealth of solid numbers (Linebackers are 5,6,6 against the run)
Oh No! But no fumbles, weak FP, and a purely average trio of Defensive team cards can’t help but hold them back
Special Teams:
Oh Yeah! PK Butker (2-7,12 from 42, perfect XP)
Oh No! Poor PR coverage (+18,+13,+6)
LAS VEGAS
Offense:
Oh Yeah! HB Jeanty (YAC A, min fumbles), TE Bowers reliable when on the field (max FP, DT’s)
Oh No! Between the open-door policy of this O-line (pass block of 3,4,0,4,0), a collective of inept and uninspired WRs, and a nonexistent ground game, QB Geno (max FP, but huge INTs, and a bland SP/LP game) was set up to fail… and THAT he did
Defense:
Oh Yeah! LE Maxx Crosby is a one-man wrecking crew (6 with 11 pass rush), Average D limits completions on SP/LP
Oh No! A flurry of 0s and 4s in the starting 11, lone blank on FP #11
Special Teams:
Oh Yeah! PK Carlson (2-7,12 from 43)
Oh No! A blocked punt, missed XP on #11, and LGs on both KR and PRs
LOS ANGELES -AFC
Offense:
Oh Yeah! QB Herbert ran for his life last year (elite ER, 19 SG + chances, MR features +41, +29, +28, +16), and had to get the ball out quick (max FP), HBs Hampton and Vidal are solid on the ground (min fumbles, SGs scattered throughout), SE Johnston may not have a max column, but is highly effective
Oh No! O-line can’t block (3,0,3,5,5 vs Pass/ 0,0,4,4,4 vs run), 2nd year FL McConkey disappoints
Defense:
Oh Yeah! Good to Excellent pass D, led by Jack of all trades Derwin James (SS 65, CB 5, OLB 55), has few completions and significant INTs (2-6 11,12 INT SP 4 men), Tuipulotu (8*) 12, RC Jackson a 6
Oh No! Low fumbles, Two 0 LBs against the pass
Special Teams:
Oh Yeah! PK Dicker rivals the best of them (2-10 through 32, 2-9 from 42), PK Scott (+53 on #7)
Oh No! Punt coverage (+22, +14, LG) will make you think twice on 4th down, a quartet of return men who offer absolutely nothing in the way of returning, missed XP
MIAMI
Offense:
Oh Yeah! HB Achane is a game changer (45 SG + chances, YAC A), his End Run (10 chances of +23 or more, +48 on #10, LGs on #2, #4, and #12) will surely keep Ds on their heels, SE Waddle (max SP), SE/FL Hill (max FP), C Brewer (76)
Oh No! But with inconsistent QB Tua under center (16/10 SP/LP wrong, massive INTs), will anybody call pass? Savaiinaea (LG 00)
Defense:
Oh Yeah! FS Fitzpatrick (56), ROLB Chubb (1*) 12
Oh No! Poor D chalk full of 0s (6 total) gets devoured through the air and ground, SGs everywhere, SP with few blanks
Special Teams:
Oh Yeah! PK Patterson is precision (2-10 through 32, 2-8,12 from 37), PR Washington TD
Oh No! LGs on both kick and punt coverages
NEW ENGLAND
Offense:
Oh Yeah! Led by 2nd year QB Drake Maye (max FP, 20 SP wrong, 15 MR chances), a soft last place schedule, some lucky breaks (I’m looking at you Bo Nix’s ankle), and a bit of fairy dust, the Pats found their way back in the Superbowl: HB Stevenson (YAC B, high end RB receiving card, catches LP), FL Diggs (max FP), TE Henry (a significant 28 chances of 10+ on FP wrong)
Oh No! C Bradbury and LG Wilson are liabilities (both 3 pass 0 run block), modest ground game
Defense:
Oh Yeah! LOLB/End Landry (1*12) and ROLB Chaisson (11) will fluster QBs, Good run D limits yards
Oh No! This Poor pass D will require a bit of finesse and some luck to get the most out of them (SP 3-men lone blank on #3), Surprisingly low INTs
Special Teams:
Oh Yeah! Speedster PR Marcus Jones has TD on #3, KR #2 Gibson TD, PK Borregales (2-8 from 42)
Oh No! Weak punt coverage (+15,+10, LG)
NEW YORK JETS
Offense:
Oh Yeah! Another miserable season for the NY Jets, here are the highlights: HB Breece Hall mildly effective (YAC B, solid receiving card), FL Wilson (max FP), QB Fields end run (11 SG + chances) and miniscule INTs
Oh No! QB/WR fumble 1-3, atrocious pass blocking (4,3,0,0,4), QBs who can’t complete a pass, etc…
Defense:
Oh Yeah! I guess LT Phillips and RC Stephens being 5s…?
Oh No! This incredibly Poor D features something truly unique, utterly remarkable… no its not the 8 starting 0s, or the countless SGs scattered across the card, and no, it’s not a misprint…. They have no takeaways. I don’t just mean fumbles, which can be fairly common for bad Ds, they also DO NOT HAVE AN INT CHANCE. FP #3/SP #9/and LP#7 will just be blank…. Enjoy!
Special Teams:
Oh Yeah! Elite PK Folk (2-10 through 32, 2-9,12 from 41, perfect XP), PR Williams (TD on #3 roll), KR #2 Nwangwu (TD), Minimum PR coverage of +1,+2,+3
Oh No! It’s hard to believe the Jets could produce such an absolute gem of a ST unit, I’m speechless….
PITTSBURGH
Offense:
Oh Yeah! This 42-year-old has still got some milage; QB Aaron Rodgers (max FP wrong, 15/21 SP, 10/13 LP, low INTs), HB Gainwell (YAC A, catches long, reliable receiving card), newcomer SE DK Metcalf is an anomaly (max LP, YAC A), O-line kept A-Rod upright (5,5,7,7,3)
Oh No! QB/WR fumble 1-3
Defense:
Oh Yeah! Good to Excellent run D will force fumbles and limit yards, ROLB Highsmith (1*)12, Cam Heyward RE 6
Oh No! Pass D leaves much to be desired, Harmon an LE 0
Special Teams:
Oh Yeah! A consistently average ST that won’t thrill, but limits mistakes
Oh No! PK Boswell (2-8,11,12 from 22), weak return game
TENNESSEE
Offense:
Oh Yeah! HB Pollard is a standout (41 SGs +), LG Skoronski (75), SE/FL Ridley (LGs)
Oh No! 1st Overall QB Ward is middling at best (11/17 SP, 3/10 LP), makes sense when your WRs are as bad as these
Defense:
Oh Yeah! RE/T 6 Simmons a (1*) 12
Oh No! Poor D gives up chunk yards (29 SG chances), few takeaway opportunities, and three 0s in the secondary
Special Teams
Oh Yeah! Solo PR Chimere Dike (TD on #3), PK Slye (2-7 11,12 from 41)
Oh No! Missed XP, but otherwise a very solid ST
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