The following is a preseason report from Doug Glanville, one of the managers in our Baseball Daily Media Experts League. Learn more about the league here!
We’ve got major updates from his team, the Teaneck Steel Drums:
Before the end of spring training, before most teams have made their final roster cuts and even before some teams have even chosen the city in which they will play, the Teaneck Steel Drums have scheduled their ticker tape parade.
"I want to send the message to our fans that we are confident. The mayor was not happy, but mayors can always be voted out. I have a no-fire clause in my contract, so I can do crazy things at will and he can do nothing about it." said Steel Drum manager, Tecumseh Sherman
We had a chance to reach out to current Teaneck mayor, Alexander Hamilton (no relation to our founder) to get the town’s thoughts on such a premature celebration, including the planning involved.
"For starters, our population is about 34,000. If we scrape together our volunteer pool, we will have about 14 people to organize the parade, hand stitch the floats, and drive them too. This is problematic," he exclaimed.
When pressed, the mayor did see the silver lining, and the pewter lining too.
"On one hand, it is nice to have advance notice. On the other hand, if they do not win it all, we are out of $12 million. We will have to close all of our junior high schools and three of our elementary schools," explained Hamilton.
When this information was relayed to Sherman, he was actually enthusiastic.
"This is an opportunity for baseball to right the adrift ship that is public education. If we lose, which we will not, we get to house 150, 6th through 8th graders at Petco Park for the school year. Baseball will show how well it can teach basic math concepts."
Hamilton was asked if he can even pull it off in the timetable required.
"There is a million things I have not done, just you wait, just you wait," he spouted.
Sherman scoffed at such hesitation. "I executed the March to the Sea. And if necessary, we will march from our victory city back to Teaneck, razing everything in our path. I imagine that bill will be more lofty than a puny $12 million. Get it done Hamilton." retorted Sherman.
Currently the Teaneck Steel Drums are 0-0. Tied with every team in the league for both first and last place.