GLANVILLE RAISES PITCH COUNT FOR STARTERS TO 175
The bullpen of District Glanville has been decent for most of the season. It certainly was not a weakness until this recent stretch had his team watch itself go from eight games over .500 to watching .500 depart from their clutches.
The wild card is still in reach, but it is fading quickly and Glanville will not sit by without a fight.
"I love my bullpen. In this analytic age, we need their specialized skill set. However, all starters will now be required to throw 175 pitches. I don’t care if they are still in the third inning."
Harsh response by Glanville, but he cited a dramatic shift in Trevor Rosenthal’s walk rate.
"What I love about this daily fantasy concept is that the cards adapt quickly. You really have to pay attention. I did not notice that my star closer went from blowing hitters away to not being able to hit an airplane hangar from the Tarmac. He has enough walks on his card to walk from St. Louis to Bora Bora."
He went on to cast blame.
"I blame myself for having confidence in my bullpen. There was a moment when I had a closed door meeting with both the batboy and the ball girl. They both had nasty sliders, but my pitching coach, Grumpy Cat, shut that down. Of course, she liked their sliders, it was that they owned indoor cats and Grumpy is a champion of free range cat owners."
When asked about the imminent risk of injury with the high pitch count, Glanville replied, "That is why I have an entire surgical team on the bench during all starts. They can do Tommy John surgery in the dugout. I figure that if we catch it at the game, that will cut their rehab down by 24 hours."
Not much baseball remains and District Glanville remains a long-shot. They have since signed Ichiro Suzuki in a desperate move to improve their outfield.
"I just want him to get the hit record while in a District uniform. Better than the way Hicks has played for me anyway. Plus this will bump up my movie rights."
Time will tell.